


You love too brightly

by raindropsky



Series: Dialogue Prompt Series [4]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 17:10:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14453949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raindropsky/pseuds/raindropsky
Summary: “You love too much Sashenka.”Sasha’s heart clenches at the soft rounded vowels of the diminutive, the sounds of Sid’s soft enunciation something he hasn’t heard in years. He feels uncomfortable at the tender resignation he hears in Sid’s voice. It sounds too much like giving up, like a foreshadowing death knell.“Your heart is too big,” Sid continues tiredly. “You love too brightly and the things you want are too big. God, the universe, karma, something,anything,is going to notice and take offence.” He swallows around a lump in his throat. “You need to let go of something Sashenka,” he whispers. “If you don’t pick yourself, someone will pick for you. You saw it with me.”





	You love too brightly

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: “Hold me. Just for a bit, okay? I just… I need someone to hold me.” No pairing requested

“You’re being greedy Sasha,” Sid sighs, a soft hiss of static. Sasha can imagine him curled up on his ridiculous bed with his insanely thick heavy cotton duvet.  _(“Siid, your blanket is so heavy,” Sasha remembers whining. “Crushing my lungs. Do you still work out when sleeping? Really?” “No,” Sid replied defensively. “I’ve always slept with this kind of duvet okay? The pressure reminds me of…of home.” Sasha rolls over and wrestles his squawking boyfriend into his arms and under his own considerable bulk. “Feels safe yeah? Like hug,” He hums and nuzzles the curls at the nape of Sid’s neck. He stops squirming and relaxes into Sasha’s forced embrace. “Good to feel love, especially when I’m not here. But now I’m here, so double the love.”)_ “I always tell you, I’ve always told you–”

“Yes, yes, must choose, can’t be greedy, or else magic hockey gods will shit on you,” Sasha snipes. “I’m not asking for a lot Sid. All I want is happiness. Millions of people are happy on this planet. They not hit with lightening. Why am I considered greedy?”

 

There’s more soft rustling. “It’s not wanting to be happy that’s being greedy,” Sid says softly. His voice is clearer now. He must be properly holding the phone to his ear now and not using the speaker phone. “It’s that what you want for your happiness is too many big things. You want Nicky, you want the Cup. Cups. You want a legacy, you want perfect health. That’s too much Sasha. Even you must see that.” 

“So many guys have happy marriages and families and Cups,” Sasha shoots back. “Where’s their fucking karma?”

He opens his mouth to continue his list when he hears a quiet click in Sid’s throat. 

 

“You love too much Sashenka.” 

 

Sasha’s heart clenches at the soft rounded vowels of the diminutive, the sounds of Sid’s soft enunciation something he hasn’t heard in years. He feels uncomfortable at the tender resignation he hears in Sid’s voice. It sounds too much like giving up, like a foreshadowing death knell.

“Your heart is too big,” Sid continues tiredly. “You love too brightly and the things you want are too big. God, the universe, karma, something, anything, is going to notice and take offence.” He swallows around a lump in his throat. “You need to let go of something Sashenka,” he whispers. “If you don’t pick yourself, someone will pick for you. You saw it with me.”

 

_(“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he whispers, kneeling beside Sid in a dark room, the blackout curtains and the faint pervasive smell of sick making him fearful of breaking the stifling silence, his hands hovering above Sid’s tense shoulder. “Hold me.” Sid croaks. He reaches up to tangle his clammy fingers with Sasha’s. “Just for a bit, okay? I just… I need someone to hold me.” Sasha immediately climbs carefully behind Sid, curling up close and gently wrapping his arms around his solid body. Sid sighs and closes his eyes. Sasha dares to squeeze a bit tighter. “I’m too greedy,” he mumbles. Sasha isn’t sure if he’s sleep talking or not. “This is my punishment.”)_

 

“Do your Cups keep you warm and loved at night?” Sasha snarls. He wants to throw his phone across the room, he needs the walls to stop closing inwards. “Do your rings fill you with happiness and fulfilment each time you look at Zhenya and Anya and little Nikita?” 

Sid gasps a little on the other end. Sasha feels a little guilty but also viciously glad that Sid still hurts despite his fucking ‘choices’. “I chose,” Sid repeats, his voice steady. “I chose. Don’t make Nicky pay for your greediness.” The line goes dead. Sasha looks down and realizes it’s his own thumb that’s squeezing the red End Call icon.

Sasha throws his phone against the wall. Shitty thing doesn’t even break when he wants it to. He storms downstairs to recklessly throw some weights about to chase away the echoes of Sidney’s fatigue and cursed words. Half an hour later, his temper begins to cool along with the sweat on his neck. He picks up his phone.

 

_I will always love you._ He hits send. 

_Even if I can’t ever have you again, my heart will always still love you,_ he receives back immediately.

 

Sasha slides to the floor, his knees nerveless, and he steadily thumps his sweaty head back against the wall. Fuck.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi to me on [tumblr](https://rain-drop-sky.tumblr.com)!


End file.
